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Coping Skills for Kids

Anxiety and Coping With the Coronavirus

Rachel Ehmke is managing editor at the Child Mind Institute.

We’re all on edge because of the coronavirus. Our daily lives have been disrupted, we aren’t sure what tomorrow may bring, and for many of us the nonstop news and social media coverage isn’t helping.

Our experts say that dealing with your own anxiety can be the most powerful way to make sure your kids feel secure. If you or your children are feeling worried, learning how to deal with that anxiety in a healthy way can help the whole family be more resilient, both now and when the pandemic is finally over.

Tolerating Uncertainty

“The treatment for anxiety isn’t to make the fear go away, it’s to manage the fear and tolerate uncertainty,” explains Jerry Bubrick, PhD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “So for the kids who’ve been in treatment for this, it’s almost like they have an immune response or they’re vaccinated against uncertainty. They’ve been training for this and now they’re able to put their skills in place and for many of them the coronavirus is not affecting them as much as those of us who aren’t used to dealing with uncertainty on a daily level.”  Many parents are having a harder time dealing with COVID-19 than their children, and some of the anxiety that kids are experiencing may be inadvertently passed on by worried parents.

As parents, we need to be modeling for our kids how to react to stressful times by coping with anxiety in healthy ways. “I think we have to be mindful of the present and stay focused on what is actually happening and not let ourselves go to worst case scenarios,” Dr. Bubrick recommends. “If we’re showing our kids catastrophic thinking and head-in-your-hands worry, and crying and fear, then they’re going to learn that’s the way to handle the times now.”

How to Stay Calm

Be smart about what you’re reading. While we should make sure we are informed about how best to keep our families safe, we should also be thoughtful about what we are reading online to make sure it’s actually helpful. It is easy to inadvertently get sucked into reading every update as it comes in, or clicking on, in Dr. Bubrick’s words, “the doomsday apocalypse kind of stories, which I would consider to be ‘mental health fake news.’

"Consider putting a limit on the number of articles you read, or for how long you will read about the coronavirus each day. If you’re consuming media that is making you anxious — pictures of lines at stores, people hoarding supplies, celebrities getting diagnosed — take a break. Being informed is one thing; being overexposed is another.."

Focus on what you’re doing right now. Remind yourself that you are doing your part to minimize the risks by practicing social distancing and keeping your hands and your home clean. While it is sensible to be prepared for the future, Dr. Bubrick recommends “focusing on making sure we’re in the moment, and dealing with things in the present.”

Stop yourself if notice that you are getting carried away with “what ifs.” It will help if you can set aside time to regularly practice mindfulness, which is a tool to help people stay grounded and calm in the present moment — not caught up in the future or the past. Parents can practice mindfulness alone or with children.

Rely on routines. Establishing a routine that involves exercise, regular meals and healthy amounts of sleep are also crucial to regulating our moods and our worries. If your old routine is no longer possible because of COVID-19 precautions, look for ways to be flexible and start a new routine. Remind yourself that life is still continuing, and ground yourself by doing things like making agendas and setting goals.

Checking in With Kids

When kids are feeling anxious, it may or may not be clear to parents. “We shouldn’t be looking for just one thing,” says Dr. Bubrick. “We should be ready to handle a variety of different expressions of anxiety.” Anxiety could look like:

Kids may not always be able to express how they are feeling. For younger children, Dr. Bubrick suggests using a feelings chart instead of saying “Tell me how anxious you are.” With a feelings chart, which you can find on the internet, you can ask kids to point to the feeling they are having now. Parents can also use a traffic light chart to help kids share how intense their feeling is — a red light means they feel overwhelmed, a yellow light is medium and a green light is okay.

For kids who are more able to articulate how they are feeling, Dr. Bubrick says it is better to ask what psychologists call “forced choice questions.” “If you ask a vague question you’re going to get a vague answer,” he says. “So instead of asking ‘How was your day?’ which is pretty vague, maybe ask, “Did your anxiety get in the way of you having a good day today?” he suggests.

If you’re wondering about a teenager, Dr. Bubrick recommends talking about yourself first. “You can say something like, “I saw this article today and it made me wonder about this and that. Did you see something like that? What’s your reaction to it?’ “

Helping Anxious Kids

Structure their day. As parents we often think that setting boundaries for a child is a way to make our lives easier, but in fact kids thrive on them, too. It is easy for children to get bored or fretful if they are facing a day without structure, and anxiety can thrive under those circumstances.  Make sure that you are structuring their days when they are cooped up at home. Alternate chores or schoolwork with more fun activities and periods of free time. Make sure kids are still getting the chance to exercise and socialize with friends via video chats and social media if they are on it.

Avoid giving too much reassurance. For kids of all ages, Dr. Bubrick recommends avoiding getting into a cycle of providing too much reassurance. Kids can come to rely on the reassurance and want to hear it more and more often — and when a parent isn’t able to give them complete reassurance their anxiety can worsen.

Instead, remind kids of the things they are doing to take care of themselves (like washing their hands and staying indoors) and encourage them to focus on being in the moment. They can practice mindfulness activities alone or with you.

Model calm yourself. Don’t share your worries with your children, and if you are feeling anxious, find a way to ground yourself. “After this crisis is over, your kids are going to walk away from this having learned things,” says Dr. Bubrick. “What will they have learned from you in the way you handled this? Will they look back and say ‘Wow, I’m really impressed with how mom and dad held it together?’ Or are they going to walk away and think the world is a scary place?”

Look for the positive. Finally, Dr. Bubrick recommends looking for the silver linings. “I spoke to a family this morning on Skype and they said, ‘You know, our kids are all together for the first time in months and they’re playing games together and they’re laughing together and we’re spending time together.’ So there are silver linings, you just have to look for them.

Coping With the Coronavirus Crisis

Supporting Kids Through the COVID-19 Crisis
Tips for nurturing and protecting children at home.

Supporting Teenagers and Young Adults During the Coronavirus Crisis
Tips for parents with older children at home.

Self-Care in the Time of Coronavirus
For parents, prioritizing your own well-being benefits your whole family.

Anxiety and Coping With the Coronavirus
Managing worry — your kids’ and your own.

How Mindfulness Can Help During COVID-19
Tips for calming anxiety during a difficult time.

Talking to Kids About the Coronavirus
Kids worry more when they’re kept in the dark. Here’s what to say.

Giving Kids With ADHD Support and Structure During the Coronavirus Crisis
Managing attention (yours and theirs) will help kids thrive.

Autism and the Coronavirus

Resources for Families of Children on the Spectrum
From how to talk to kids with autism about the coronavirus to how to teach handwashing and develop schedules.

Remote Learning

Family Resources for Remote Learning
Clinicians from our Learning and Development Center have organized resources for parents who are suddenly responsible for the home school environment.

Managing Anxiety

Anxious Stomach Aches and Headaches
Anxiety in children sometimes manifest physically. Here’s what to watch for.

How to Help Children Manage Fears
Tips for teaching children how to build resilience and learn to calm themselves down, even when things feel scary.

Tips for Calming Anxious Kids
Go-to techniques for coaxing anxiety-prone children out of their fears from a Mom who’s been there.

How to Avoid Passing Anxiety on to Your Kids
Help yourself, and them, by learning techniques to manage stress in a healthy way.

How Anxiety Leads to Disruptive Behavior
Kids who are acting out, melting down, or being defiant may actually be seriously anxious.

What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious
How to respect their feelings without empowering their fears.

Panic Attacks and How to Treat Them
Knowing what to look for and how to help children calm down is key.

The Power of Mindfulness
How a meditation practice can help kids (and parents) feel less anxious and more relaxed.

Discipline and Behavior

Why Do Kids Have Problems With Transitions?
A look at why being asked to switch gears is a common trigger for whining and tantrums.

How Can We Help Kids With Transitions?
With the right support, children can learn to change gears without whining and tantrums.

Three Common Parenting Traps
And tips for avoiding them.

Why do Kids Have Tantrums and Meltdowns?
Understanding why they happen can help parents head problems off before they escalate.

How to Discipline Toddlers
Setting and enforcing consistent limits is key.

How To Make Time Outs Work
Tips for using them effectively.

When Siblings Won’t Stop Fighting
How parents can keep the peace and help kids learn to resolve conflicts.

Dealing With Loss

Helping Children Cope With Grief
Tips broken down into a range of ages and experiences, and information about what to say, who should say it, what to look out for and how to help.

How to Handle Holidays After a Death in the Family
Grief can make special days harder

What Is PTSD?
The disorder looks different in children as they develop

Treatment for PTSD
There are several evidence-based therapies for young people with PTSD

Supporting Families During COVID-19

The Child Mind Institute is open and available for you and your child during this crisis. Our expert clinicians can do telehealth evaluations and treatment for ADHD, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, autism spectrum disorders and learning disorders. Click here to request a remote appointment and learn more. 

Our supportive resources include:

Counseling Agencies

Albany Clinic

Enrichment Center
224 2nd Ave SE #1
(256) 341-0811

Covenant Counseling
Christy F. Jacob, LPC, NCC, BCC
113 2nd Ave SE
(256) 822-2375

Family Support Services LLC
1608 4th Ave SE
(256) 340-9233

Mark Jacob
801 Church St NE #1
(256) 355-4461

Elite Counseling -Center for Change
Michelle Couey
1629 4th Ave SE; Suite 113 
Decatur, Alabama 35601
(256) 384-8679